A Beautiful Nightmare... (Part V)

11:08 AM




"I can't believe it has been seven years. It feels like it was centuries ago" he smiled " And you never gave me back that pencil" he laughed.
"Well you actually said that I didn't have to give it back, no?" I laughed as well.
"True, true but it would have been nice to offer back the pencil or buy me a new one at least. I had to ask for it and I never even got it back" he started teasing.
"For what it's worth, I still have the pencil and the poetry book. Actually I have everything that you gave me stored in the bottom drawer of my night stand" I explained.
"You can't be serious..!!" with a shocked look on his face.
"I am" I said with a coy smile drawing up on my face.


I starting pinking up from how shy I was so I decided to look back at the beautiful horizon. The sky started getting lighter and a painting canvas up above was born. Different shades of red, orange, yellow and blue were mixing up. It was amazing and beautiful to say the least. The sun was soon to rise, it was a new day and everyone was going back to resume their daily routines that they have planned out except for me. I was living in a timezone that has got me stuck not knowing what to do or where to go. I didn't know how my day was going to end up. Was it going to be more of him? Was it going to be all about catching up? Or was it just a coincidence and that was it? I found myself struggling to find an answer only to feel his warmth around me, he hugged me and whispered in my ear "Calm down, I know you are overthinking. Just relax and take it as it goes". He knew me too well, too well in fact that he was the only one that managed to read my thoughts. "Why are you here? Why did you have to show up and remind me of you? I was doing fine without you. I was okay but now..." I couldn't continue, it was so hard for me to get over him. It was so hard for me to cope with everyone's pity and compassion. It was hard for me to let go that I never did. He always had a way to creep into my thoughts and I'd always remember the things we did and promised each other we would do. I suddenly felt all the hurt I had because of him taking over my body. I felt my heart ache and it was of excruciating pain. It got me to breathe heavily unable to speak. "I hate you Jassim. I hate you" I said those words stunned at myself wondering why I did. I didn't hate him, I couldn't. He was the love of my life, he was the air that I breathed and the pair of eyes that I saw with. He was my everything. How could I hate him? My mind is playing games on me. It is tricking me, my head was about to burst from all the commotion inside of me.


He looked at me with sadness filling his eyes, his tired facial expressions said it all to me. He is remorsing and regretting on what could have been. Something that he would never have again, something I'd never allow for it to happen again. Then he smiled at me and my heart couldn't help but skip a beat. We both lingered on a memory that made us have butterflies in our tummies, he started to stutter saying "I wolf you". I nodded my head laughing as we stayed there silent remembering how it was.


Location: Weill Cornell Medical College
Time: Orientation Week
Weather: Sunny
View: Smiles were filling the air


It was orientation week and Jassim, being a senior, was one of the students guiding the freshmen around the college, he made sure to be the guide of our group. My cheeks got flushed with heat and turned pink everytime he opened his mouth to speak. I didn't know what got into me. Was it possible that I was having a thing for a guy for the very first time? Did I like him in the really like him sort of way? Why do I all of a sudden feel as nervous as I felt in the auditorium six months ago? I wanted to scream from the weird feelings I was getting so I decided to distance myself from him. I wanted to avoid any type of contact with him although I knew it was impossible. Was it possibly because I loved him too much? Did I like him already? I was about to become a lunatic before a new friend I made brushed her palm on my shoulders. I felt relaxed like nothing was going to hit me so long as she was near. I felt safe. I closed my eyes appreciating the sudden cozy feeling that came across me only to be interrupted by Jassim calling out my name loudly. My heart started pounding again and those same sensations I had before came back to haunt me. I was in my own deep whirlpool of mixed emotions. Emotions I haven't expreienced before.


I: "Is it love?"
Me: "Nah it's not".
I: "Are you sure?"
Me & Myself: " It's infatuation" they both hopped in together to answer that.
I: "Yes, I just like how cute he is that's all".
Myself: " But he isn't the most good looking person".
Me: "Some of your cousins are even cuter".
I: "Inzain why do I feel different around him? I only met him a few months ago?".
Myself: "It's infatuation".
Me: "Infatuation I tell ya".
I felt relieved.


Jassim called my name loudly again suddenly. I was surprised to say the least and he nervously said it out loud for everyone to hear "I WOLF YOU", I got shocked not knowing what to do, I knew what he meant but why did he have to say it in such a comical way? I asked myself while I froze at the place I was standing. He all of a sudden turned red and got embarrased because that wasn't the phrase he was aiming to say. Everyone started laughing out so loud that caused me to rush out of the place in tears.


"Rummy, wait..!! Wallah I didn't mean it that way".
"I was a fool to actually talk to you. You just wanted to embarass me".
"I swear to God I didn't mean to. My tongue got tied in a knot.".
"I'm a geek anyway you wouldn't want to be with me. I'm hideous and I KNOW that".
"I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU" he screamed "Do you get it NOW..!!".
"Lower your voice, there are people around".
"No I don't want to and I'll say it for everyone to hear. I LOVE YOU..!!".
"5ala9 5ala9 we know, Mr Wolf loves Mrs. Wolf" some senior students started yelling back at us
I started cracking up and so did he as he hugged me for the very first time.


His cold feet met mine as my head is resting on his shoulder. My petite body got wrapped around his strong arms and it was reassuring to me. It felt that everything was going to be okay for once in my life after a long time. "You were and still are my everything. I know I left and I know you won't believe me when I say that it was out of my hands to leave you. I know you won't believe any word I'd say because I broke all the promises I gave you. But I want you to know one thing and that is I still do and always have loved you. I know it's too late to rectify all the mistakes, erase those bad memories, relieve your pain and heal your heart. But it's never too late to tell you not to give up on life because of me. You are way too precious to keep yourself locked up. Everyone needs a dosage of Rummy, I know I badly need it and can't ever have it again" he said it while holding me tight.


"Something always brings me back to you and your memories. It never takes too long for me to remember what you would've done if you were around at that situation or what you did back then. I can never forget all the good memories that I often remember. What happened between us is sacred to me, I can never let it go no matter how hard I try and it hurts everytime I turn to my side in hopes of seeing you to realize that you aren't there beside me anymore. You made me who I am and I can't just throw out everything that has to do with the woman I am today".


"Cupcake, it was my time to go, that was all. Don't keep on blaming me because I myself don't know why I left you. I wanted to stay but I had to go. I had other commitments with another. It is this other who made me this Jassim that is standing infront of you. I promised to go back and you know me and how I work hard on keeping every promise".


"But you didn't keep your promise to me. You deserted me, and I can't help but cry myself to sleep everyday because of it. You didn't even say goodbye, you were mad at me and you just left without a warning. You didn't even say you loved me nor did you give me the chance to say it for one last time" I said it all hurt and in pain.


"I'm not angry nor am I mad anymore. That was something silly, it was a tiny little fight we had and I wanted to call you and tell you I was sorry and how much you meant to me. I wanted to tell you how you were the world to me, how without you, my life would be meaningless. I wanted and wanted and wanted but I never got the chance to..." he choked up and I felt a warm tingly sensation on my neck. It was his tears, he teared up for the first time. I never saw him in this condtion before. I turned to look at his face and tear drops were falling from his eyes. I never knew that I meant so much to him, that our tiny fight made him regret not bidding me farewell. "I've been a lost soul without you. I need to find peace and we both need closure, so I am giving you this day for us to reminisce and may it mark the day you move on with your life. You don't deserve but what's best in your life" his voice started sounding faint. He was holding himself not to cry. "Rummy, would you ever forgive me for what I did? Would your heart forgive me for letting it down? Would it? " he asked while sniffing from all the tears that was running down his cheeks. "You know that I just came back to find you and ask for your forgiveness? I wouldn't be able to survive or face anything if you don't. So do you cupcake? Do you forgive me?" I moved closer to him with my eyes drowned with those salty tears of mine. "I have Jay, I have. I couldn't stay mad at you for too long. It's been five years since you left and I forgave you before I knew that I did. I love you and you still are my first love" I sighed exhaling all that air I had locked up inside. "There'll always be a special place for you. I would never forget you but I sure have forgiven you" I looked right into his teary red eyes as he looked into mine. I forced myself to smile even though I didn't want to, he smiled back wrinkling his nose exactly the way I know it would. I sobbed uncontrollably as I knew that this was the last time I'd ever see his face upclose. It was the last time I'd ever get to hear that voice of his that sent shivers down my spine. It was the last I was going to have his skin touch mine. It was the last time, I'd get goosebumps just because he held me close. It was the last time I'd be in his bear hug and it was the very last time I'd get to call his name and look into his eyes.


"Now I can go...

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4 Comments

  1. =< seriously, its a piece of art

    ReplyDelete
  2. You think?! Gosh I have a huge grin on my face, I'm flattered ;)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Interesting. And the whole 'I wolf you' part is priceless.

    ReplyDelete
  4. It's like reading a book that you can't put down >.<

    ReplyDelete

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