A Beautiful Nightmare... (Part VI FINALE)

1:18 AM

"Now I can go on with an easy soul. My conscious has always tortured me on how I never found you to ask for forgiveness" he brushed my hair out of my face to one side of my shoulder. "With this angelic face right in front of me, I'm at peace" he gathered himself up to speak. I reached out to my shoulder to touch his hand. They got interlocked with mine, the way they always have whenever we spent time together. Bringing his hand and mine down to the side, I smiled and buried my head in his chest. The cold wet dishdasha met my cheek, it felt soothing. The smell of his cologne still lingered on him; I closed my eyes as I breathed in his smell. It reminded me of the first time we ever shook hands and how his scent lingered on my fingers and palm; an aroma which was as sublime as amber and musk but still unique to him.

A tear managed to escape as I reminisced on those old times when everything was perfect and the way I always thought it would turn out to be. It was exactly the way I imagined and hoped for, exactly like the definition I had of love, and exactly like my favorite novel that had me escape to a fantasy land.  I could hear his heartbeats beating fast, "I still have that effect on you?" I asked while giggling. "Ahh of course you do, my heart has always called out for your name" he giggled remembering how I used to have talks with his heart asking for it to beat a bit slower. It used to scare me into thinking he would go into cardiac arrest just because they were in such a fast abnormal rate.

After a long while of watching the sunrise together and how the sky lit up to a beautiful baby blue decorated with beautiful fluffy looking clouds, he asked me "Remember our song?". Enjoying the view of the sea that was getting calmer, I replied back by nodding my head and smiling. Frank Sinatra was our only thing in common, we were so much on the opposite side of the spectrum that coming together was an exploratory journey. “I've got you under my skin. I've got you deep in the heart of me. So deep in my heart that you're really a part of mehe began singing our song as he held my hand and got me up on my feet. “I've got you under my skin” he pulled me closer and placed his left palm on the small of my back and held my right hand into his. We began to sway with the music playing in our head. He continued humming to the tune as our feet moved to the rhythm. The cold sand was beginning to warm up as the sun brightened the dark lonely sky. Sea gulls still flying past us as the wind gushing gave us the perfect backdrop to the rain and electric atmosphere between us.

“I Love You” he whispered and the butterflies fluttered in my tummy. It has been so long that I yearned to hear it one more time from him. He twirled me around as I giggled. Pulling me close, we began dancing at a slower pace as he kissed my forehead marking the end. He always used to kiss my forehead when he was about to go. “No don’t leave me again” I hugged him tight not wanting to let go. “Stay here with me” my voice faded as I began being choked up. “I have to go cupcake, I really have to” he whispered as he hugged me tight.  “You know I can’t stay for longer, I made a promise to return to him” he said in the most heartbroken tone. “But I’m still not okay, please don’t go. Please. Please” I pleaded him to stay. He shrugged his shoulders giving in to my pleas while I shrieked giving him the hardest squeeze my strength allowed me to.

The rain has stopped for quite a while now. I am still locked up in his warm cuddle with my eyes shut and tears rolling down my cheeks. We didn't talk but just stayed there for hours listening to each other’s breathing and interlocking our hands together feeling the warmth of our skins when they touched. It felt dreamy as it always did. The breeze started losing strength until it went into a complete halt. There wasn't any sound to be heard but of the waves , I opened my eyes and hugged him tighter never wanting for this moment to end. He pressed back even tighter and said "Time surely passes". It was 4 in the afternoon and the beach started getting crowded more than ever. It was weekend after all and everyone headed to the beach for fun and some change of routine. His arms were loosening their grip, he was letting go of me. "It’s time for me to ..." I interrupted him and placed my right hand on his thin lips "Don't say it. Don't ! It's too soon". Lowering my hand, he pulled me close, kissed my forehead and said "But you know I have to cupcake". Looking into his eyes,  he seemed firm on his decision to leave. "Fine, leave then" I pulled myself together in an attempt to not make a scene. " Just go away and never come back" I said rudely while pushing him away. "Just GO" my frail weak voice uttered. He suddenly came close and held my arms tight to the extent he was hurting me. He looked at me right into my soul and whispered right close to my face "I Love You. I just want you to remember that. Never forget. Never forget..!!". He was saying that as he released his grip and began going his way. He began singing our song again as he moved away,  started disappearing in between the crowd when I called out his name for the last time "JASSIM". He turned back and I couldn't help but ran to him and be in his embrace. It was the end, the finale, fin like the end credits of a movie. I'd never see him again, I was sure. "I'll never forget" I whispered to him as my tiny physique tried to hug him tighter than it ever did. "I'll never forget" I whispered as I started tearing up. "I'll never forget" as he hugged me tight never wanting to let go. This would be in the past, we'd never be able to be so close to each other again; the very last time.

I've got you under my skin. 
I've got you deep in the heart of me. 

So deep in my heart that you're really a part of me. 
I've got you under my skin. 
I'd tried so not to give in. 
I said to myself: this affair never will go so well. 
But why should I try to resist when, baby, I know down well 
I've got you under my skin? 

I'd sacrifice anything come what might 
For the sake of havin' you near 
In spite of a warnin' voice that comes in the night 
And repeats, repeats in my ear: 
Don't you know, you fool, you never can win? 
Use your mentality, wake up to reality. 
But each time that I do just the thought of you 
Makes me stop before I begin 
'Cause I've got you under my skin. 

As the musical interlude began I opened my eyes and smiled. I started moving to the music while still in my pajamas in bed. I pushed off my blanket and hugged my fluffy pillow still savoring the voice of Frank Sinatra. The alarm on my phone was set to our song; the best way to get woken up.


Stretching out and rubbing my eyes I realized that I dreamt of him. My heart skipped a beat as I recalled everything that went on in my dream from how happy I was at the beach alone to how my encounter with a stranger soon turned out to be a visit down the path of memory lane.  Reaching out to my night stand, I drew open the bottom drawer and smiled as I caught a glimpse of its contents. Sitting on my bed, I pulled out a book from the drawer; a poetry book that was given to me by my first love. Opening to the front page it read: "Turn to Page 27, Yours J", I hugged the book and took in its old book scent. As I turned to page 27, a red and black pencil and a postcard laid in the middle of the two pages. I picked up the pencil and wrote down today’s date on the margin lining up with all the other dates written on the book.  I began reading  a poem that I have read for years on end; a poem I have memorized by heart. I recited each word loudly as it spoke to my soul and smiled. It was indeed the most romantic poem I’ve ever come across.  Sighing in remembrance of him, I turned to look at the postcard. It was a picture of Jassim & I during my freshman year and a writing at the bottom that read: In Loving Memory of Jassim Mohammed (15 April 1981 -14 February 2004). A simple tear escaped from my eye as I reached to kiss Jassim's picture and hug it close to my heart. "I'll never forget, never forget" I whispered as I placed the postcard back to the page, and brushed my hand on all the dates that I have dreamt of him. “Allah yir7amek w yi’3ammed roo7ek el jannah” I supplicated and prayed for him to be resting peacefully till the day we meet again. Closing the drawer once everything was back in it, I grabbed my earphones and played my ‘Cupcake’ playlist that had one only one song on loop. Discarding what I had plans for the day, I played our song and hoped to fall asleep and dream of the love of my life again.


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9 Comments

  1. I didn't see that coming! I'm literally shocked... that 1. Its a dream and 2. He's dead!!!

    Great turn of events! The writing couldve been better though in this part but I LOVE it! The whole thing is awesome Rummy!!! Great ending, that it was all a dream :)

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  2. I've got goosebumps Rummy...

    ... ='(

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  3. Yeah Moi, I know about the writing. I just didn't find a better way to explain it and I was writing it in a rush unlike the other parts.


    G, goosebumps is good =D

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  4. ckz I see you are speechless =)

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  5. one of the saddest stories i read =) but the story is amazing and ur skills is superb

    ReplyDelete
  6. Aww ck ='(

    Thanks you ROCK..!! I'm glad you liked the story.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Now the title makes sense...:)

    ReplyDelete

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