I Lost...

11:11 AM

It was an evening that was plain and normal. There was nothing pretty interesting but the announcement that the next day was the first day of Ramadan. I was staring at the red and blue prayer rug trying to concentrate on my Taraweeh prayers. I was in search of inner peace that I always would get with praying but this time around nothing was working. I began reciting the verses only to feel the words empty with no meaning. My heart was heavy and tired, but I needed guidance and direction. I needed to feel at ease. I wanted to be in that celebratory mood that everyone was but I just couldn't help but feel low.  My phone started to ring, that tone; the chimes tone. It sounded louder with every passing second. My phone vibrated and I knew why. The moment that I was dreading was becoming a reality. I tried to concentrate on praying but I couldn't as it started pulsing against the table and the ringing was even more thunderous, piercing my insides. My heart began to race as it was sinking in. It was happening! But, then quietness was overwhelming me, the ringing stopped.

I kept staring at the prayer mat even after I was done with my prayers. I didn't want to leave, not wanting to face what life has in store for me. I didn't want to face the moment my life was going to change forever, but before I did, my father walks in. His expression was calm and unreadable, I relaxed and sighed telling myself that it wasn't as bad as I thought it was. But then he uttered words that I’ll never forget ‘It’s time to go to Dubai’.

It was time to be brave and face reality. My phone rings again and without seeing who was calling I answered.

‘A7san Allah 3azakum’ my cousin says giving out her condolences and what I didn't want to face was right in front of me. It was the night of the 14th  of October 2004, and the ugly truth was that I was defeated. I lost to a disease. I lost to colon cancer.

Rest In peace my sweet lovely Grandma. Today marks 8 years since cancer took you away from us but you've never left our hearts and souls.

Love you forever, infinity and beyond <3

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  1. allah yer7amha ya rb o yghamed roo7ha eljanna nshallah!

  2. Allah yr7mha o yd5ilha fasee7 jannatoh!
    Allahuma ishfi mar'9ana w mr'9a el muslimeen

  3. Allah yer7amha :( your words are so deep that i stopped feeling anything else while i was reading it :(

  4. Allah yr7amha. Such heartfelt words.

  5. انا لله و انا اليه لراجعون....


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