Social Suicide

10:17 AM

Last week was amazing! I managed to speak at the Extraordinary Women Conference that was held on 18th of March in Oman. This was the 3rd edition of the yearly event and being invited to speak and labeled as extraordinary was quite something that I didn't expect.

The talk was basically about my Antarctic trip and all its ups and downs. Given that my sponsorship contracts with all parties involved have ended, I can speak about the expedition without being tied down to what events or publications I should speak or write to. My Antarctic series can finally see the light of day! Yay!

Interestingly while my talk ended and the room for Q&A was opened, I was asked if going to the Antarctic and being this public figure meant social suicide. The question stopped me in my tracks and got me to contemplate long and hard on the answer. Once I did, my answer was ‘Yes, but at least I am doing it in style’.

Realizing my dreams has always had a double edge sword aspect to them, where if I do them society would hate me for it and if I don’t I would hate myself. My main principle I live by in life has and always will be making myself happy before anyone else and I owe the sole reason behind this logic of mine to my mother. She is a strong fabulous amazing woman, who has done nothing but struggle and fight the fight many are afraid to take; she fought for her right to pursue her dreams only for them to be shattered one by one by a society who were so threatened and cared more about their image than anything else.  I am so blessed to call her mom because she truly understands my thirst for adventure and the unconventional; she never undermines my dreams no matter how over the top they may seem. She simply understands it so well because she once had skyscraper high dreams that had she taken them up, she would have laughed a little louder, smiled a little wider and lived the life she always wanted  instead  of being forced to fall in line with the acceptable way of leading a female’s life within societal and tribal boundaries. She locked up all her dreams and swallowed her tongue to fall silent and short of making any of them come true, but promised herself and said ‘One day if my children were ever to have aspirations, which may seem absurd to all, I will make them see the light of day’.

I have had my fair share of criticism on the way I lead my life and even though I don’t care what people have to say about it, it is still considered social suicide to them. I am a 28 year old who is still not married and apparently I am too old and nobody would want me anymore *insert sitcom laugh track*. I have heard them owing the reason to my ovaries; supposedly they have dried up, my mental instability; anyone who dreams big is not normal in the head, or even worse that I am too ‘free’ and not as coy as how girls should act.  They claim I have an attitude problem and walk with my head in the clouds because I am unrealistic in my choices and what I want from life. They claim I look beneath people as if I own the universe and that I am too intimidating to men to even have them consider me as a life partner. So what? Who cares?

I have been nurtured and encouraged by an extraordinary woman who taught me to be assertive, accomplished and independent. I refuse to take all of that back and pretend to be something less than what I am. I refuse to be the picture perfect candidate who speaks in a soft voice while fluttering her lashes all innocent and shy for a suitor who is not my choice. I refuse to lower my expectations for someone who just wants me to be a domestic worker by day and baby-maker by night. I refuse to be married just for the sake of making my relatives happy. I refuse to settle for anything less because of the looming fear of a future with no children. I refuse to quit my media job because nobody wants a public figure who has a bigger personality and impact than their counterpart. I refuse to conform to anyone’s standards but mine!  Why should I? My life is not a catastrophe waiting for prince charming to save me. My life is nothing but exquisite. I enjoy every single moment of it, the crushing heartbreaking sad parts as well.  And while I may want a future that has possible three giggly curly haired children and a loving embrace from a supportive husband in the background that does not define who I am. Why do we have to associate a female's life always with the need to be married as soon as possible? Why? It is what I have gone through that defines me and not who's wife I may become. And for who I am right now; I am swollen with pride and delight in crossing off more from my bucket list than any have had on theirs combined. 

So this ladies and gentlemen is my social suicide apparently. Sit back, relax and enjoy the show while I do it in style *takes a bow*.

And on the occasion of Mother’s Day, I would like to profess my undying love to my superwoman. Happy Mother’s Day Mamati I love you!

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  2. I totally admire you for being brave enough to be out there in public. All the crazy stuff I do I get a pass from my husband's family and Omanis in general because i am not "an Omani woman", although apparently I have a strong tribal affiliation and all that through my husband????? WIERD! Anyways lol, I believe you should lead your dreams/and for love---changing yourself for another means never truly being loved so who WOULD want that anyways? That'd be fake.

    All my best to you (and your mother---she sounds amazing).

    1. The tribal affiliation involves every single person somehow in relation to them, sometimes it's just absurd! Thank you for the wishes :D

  3. Raise your head proud and keep striving on, it’s due time that we stop being affected by social norms and societal expectations.

    Do it your way everything else will fall into place in due time

  4. So proud of you and all that you have achieved so far! Many more to come inshallah.

    You are an inspiration to all Omani women. never give up on your dreams <3


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