Surviving A Broken Engagement

9:09 AM

Getting your heart shattered to pieces is awful. It sucks like no other because unlike having a physical wound, this type of ache just breaks you from within. Now breaking up being as hard as it is in this society, it is more than normal that a relationship ends while both parties still hold so much love for each other. Usually these relationships are ones behind the eyes of the family and the couple comes to find out the hard way once engaged that factors like: age, tribe name, social background and so forth play a role in the family dictating if they match or not.
It has happened to most of us where you just click with that perfect guy or girl – well mostly they are not but choose to take those minor differences as perfect imperfections – talk quite often which then turns to everyday and obviously fall head over heels in love with said person.
You mesh so well that time passes by and there you are celebrating milestones with this person and start planning a future together – both in your head and out in the open – while waiting for the right opportunity to pop the question or hear the question which in this case is not the conventional ‘Habibi, will you marry me’ but rather ‘Habibi, tell your family we will be knocking on the door for a visit soon’.  And until that moment, his or her faults are endearing and make them who they are.
But then things take a turn for the worse, and you see how other parties are almost always involved in the life that you were planning which was for just the two of you. Things get out of control, your heart hurts every single time you hear him or her say what the family has to say about you or your family. You guys apparently don’t fit and the one you thought would go through thick and thin with you no longer is there. He or she seems to be so consumed with the attitude and stance of his or her family that it pushes them away from you as they try to process everything. On the other hand, your family are either okay with it or have come around after a series of tantrums that were close to screwing things over for you.
That’s when you see your relationship in an entirely different light. You find yourself having to try harder and harder to keep things together while the other side only ignores the problem or distance themselves unable to handle it. I found myself in that same position last year, struggling to connect and be on the same wavelength to the extent that my happy go lucky personality turned into a weary and cynical one. I kept thinking that it was a phase, or a hiccup, or possibly just a post-engagement rut.
Until one day, it hits you like a tow truck and realize it’s not just that but the fact all along you were two different people who might have been in sync most of the time but the fact is we had always been different! I started hating his perfect imperfections and they became flaws that I couldn’t handle anymore. All of a sudden that connection that was going on for us seemed to be nonexistent. I couldn’t see us spending our lives together and there it was the revelation; the abyss that was widening so quickly that I became petrified and so scared of being swallowed up. So I chose to retreat from the tiresome of reaching out to the other side in hopes of his firm strong grip never letting me fall off the edge.
Realizing the steps you have to take next crushes you and makes your heart drop into the depths of your insides. You still love them and care for them and not to mention that they were your best friend but this was the end. And that renders you confused, the feelings you have are not normal, how would you call it quits when your heart screams no? And that sums up the hardest part of ending things with someone you still hold so much love for. Something, in this region, we know too well about where stories have turned to anecdotes of sorrow and lessons to marry within familial limits or jokes to lighten up the existence of a harsh reality.
It takes everything in a person to realize that this is normal and that fixing your feelings is not possible. You can only fix what you can by ending what may possibly never have the future you planned in your head. That is after realizing the truth behind the character of that person and their dealings with their family. Family is our weakness most of the time and being in such a tight knit society makes it difficult for many to break away. Those who have never taken upon themselves to live independently during studies or work are the ones who suffer the most where their heart tells them one thing but their mind tells them to be respectful to who brought them up. Not all of this is negative though because the perks of being in a community like Muscat make it easier to deal. Simply put there are plenty of family members or friends who have gone through it and give you their two cents about how to go about being normal again by letting your emotions wash over you and allow the healing process to begin.
And like magic, day by day it does! Rediscovering yourself is one of the best adventures any person can go through. Not many of us have the chance to do so but when you do; it is a breath of fresh air and you grow to love the new you. Now I know everyone keeps saying don’t do anything drastic because you’ll hate it but I did and loved it. I chopped off my hair and dyed it neon pink and it empowered me. Start doing new things for yourself and not anyone else, buy yourself that expensive bag that you wanted or that cool gadget that she always told you not to get, or better yet take up a new hobby. If you want to slim down do it for you and not because of an upcoming wedding. Breaking away might be scary, but delving into the unfamiliar can be nothing short of exhilarating.
Cutting ties with someone you love is terrible. It’s scary as hell. But it’s necessary in order to move on to a happier stage of life. You are remarkable, magnificent, and you will be even more extraordinary when you come out on top of this even stronger than before. And like I said before, it is easy to say that you are the only one who has gone through this whole broken engagement ordeal but trust me there are so many of us out there, so you are certainly not alone.

This goes out to a couple of friends currently going through something I know too well so I decided to write it for them. If you are reading this and you are going through the same thing or have in the past. Comment below—we’re here for you.

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  1. Lovely post! Hugs to every1 out there going thru tuff times!

  2. What if it didn't end on good terms?If you still desired that person but he/she within themselves and ever believed that they are worth someone better than you and you are just a joke to them? What if you have no one around you to feel for your pain and to understand your feelings?

  3. @Anonymous: If you were a joke to them that raises another question as to why they decided to be engaged to you in the first place. This would mean that something bigger stood in the way of you two being together rather than nominal stuff and that should be a wake up call that it wasn't healthy. As for you not having anyone around, at this time and age of the internet trust me you will find people who share part if not almost entirely similar circumstances to you and hey you have mental spas now in Oman where you can vent off in a safe surrounding with people who share your pain.


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